Tag: depression

Dear Reader,

Just recently, I was having a conversation with a couple of my friends. Among all the things we talked about, we ended up discussing something that’s often misunderstood: depression.

What is it? How does it feel?

Depression is a serious mental health condition characterized by a persistent low mood, a loss of interest in activities, and a range of other symptoms that affect thoughts, feelings, and behavior. In other words, it’s more than just feeling down or fed up for a few days. But instead of listing definitions, I want to share what it’s been like for me—because sometimes, personal stories make it easier to understand.

I’ve experienced depression a few times: at 15, at 16, and again at 18. Those were the hardest times in my life so far—something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The first time it happened, I wasn’t lying in bed all day, crying. Life on the outside looked normal. I still laughed when I was “supposed” to, I still worked, I still studied. But inside, I felt empty. It was like being numb on the outside, but the paradox was—I didn’t feel anything on the inside either. I was forgetting how to feel, because all my thoughts about the past just sat in my mind like they’d pitched a tent, waiting. Waiting for me to forget about the present. Waiting for me to forget the future.

“People talk about depression all the time. The difference between depression and sadness is—sadness is just from happenstance. Whatever happened, or didn’t happen for you: grief, or whatever it is. Depression is when your body says, ‘F*** you. I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to hold up this avatar you’ve created.’”

JIM CARREY | Characters, Comedy, and Existence | 4K REMASTER | TIFF

He also mentioned you can think of the word depressed as deep rest—your body needing deep rest from the character you’re trying to play.

Whether we like it or not, our bodies sometimes need a break from the roles we’ve taken on. I can’t tell you what to do to get through it, and honestly, no specialist can give you a one-size-fits-all answer. But what I learned is: it’s your mind. You are the one who has power over it.

When I realised something was wrong, I made a choice. I got up every day, I stuck to my routine, and I told myself:

“You are not hopeless. You are not useless. You are a winner. And you will win over this. You are the master of your mind. Nothing can take that from you. This isn’t forever. Take your time to recover—and then keep going.”

But how do you know when it’s over?

The answer, for me, was: when you start to feel again. Feelings won’t rush back all at once. You have to relearn how to feel. And yes, some feelings might be painful or disappointing. But the moment you realise that everything feels different—that’s when you can say: I did it!

There’s something else I’ve learned:

👉 Depression is about your past.
It’s the things you haven’t let go of. The things you overthink. The “Why did I do that?” and “I should’ve done it differently” thoughts that keep looping in your brain.

👉 Anxiety is about your future.
It’s worrying about things that may or may not happen. It’s trying to control the unknown. It’s living ahead of yourself.

👉 Happiness is about your present.
It’s noticing what’s around you. A sunny day. Pretty flowers. A smile from a stranger. It’s enjoying your hobby, your partner, your family. It’s staying right here, right now.

So if you take one thing from my story, let it be this: stay present. Even if it’s hard. Even if it feels impossible sometimes. Try to notice the little good things. They’re always there.

Get it done. Enjoy the process. See the result. Live your life.

Thank you for listening, for reading, for feeling. I hope you find a little piece of yourself here, too.

Sincere,

Yours Viktoriia ❤