Viktoriia Osypiak Insights

Tag: mental-health

  • Sleep Paralysis

    Dear Reader,

    I want to talk to you about a phenomenon that has been part of my life since I can remember myself: Sleep Paralysis.

    Sleep paralysis is a condition in which a person, either during falling asleep or waking up, temporarily experiences an inability to move or speak. This is caused by a disruption in the sleep cycle—specifically, when the body remains in REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sleep while the brain becomes conscious. During REM sleep, your brain paralyzes most of your muscles to prevent you from acting out dreams. But when the mind wakes up and the body doesn’t catch up, you’re stuck in between.

    “Sleep paralysis occurs when a person passes between stages of wakefulness and sleep. During these transitions, you may be unable to move or speak for a feNightmares are vivid dreams that contain frightening images or cause negative feelings such as fear, terror, and/or extreme anxiety. If awakened from REM sleep during a nightmare, the sleeper can usually provide a detailed description of the dream content. The nightmare can cause the sufferer to awaken in a heightened state of distress, resulting in perspiration and an elevated heart rate. Often it takes time to recover from the negative emotions invoked by the nightmare and the person may have difficulty returning to sleep.”

    — Stanford Medicine | Health Care

    For me, these episodes are more than a medical explanation—they are deeply vivid and often terrifying. I’ve had moments where I felt like I was going to have a heart attack. One night, I saw a creature looming near me—its face burned into my memory. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t scream. All I could do was whisper in my head:
    “I’m here. I’m okay.”

    There are nights I wake up gasping, my body frozen while my mind races. After one episode, I remember only managing to sleep for about thirty minutes before deciding it was safer just to wait for the sun to rise. The fear can be so raw, so physical, it lingers in my chest for hours.

    In those moments, what brings me back is the sound of a voice or the feeling of someone beside me — a partner gently waking me up, helping anchor me in reality again.

    I’ve often thought about writing a song about these moments. Not just the fear, but the surreal beauty of that liminal space between dreaming and waking. It’s hard to capture in words, but maybe this post is a start.

    If you’ve ever experienced sleep paralysis, I want you to know you’re not imagining it. You’re not crazy. And you’re definitely not alone.

    Sincere,

    Yours Viktoriia ❤

  • Why Do We Feel What We Feel?– A Personal Reflection on Depression, Anxiety, and Finding the Present

    Dear Reader,

    Just recently, I was having a conversation with a couple of my friends. Among all the things we talked about, we ended up discussing something that’s often misunderstood: depression.

    What is it? How does it feel?

    Depression is a serious mental health condition characterized by a persistent low mood, a loss of interest in activities, and a range of other symptoms that affect thoughts, feelings, and behavior. In other words, it’s more than just feeling down or fed up for a few days. But instead of listing definitions, I want to share what it’s been like for me—because sometimes, personal stories make it easier to understand.

    I’ve experienced depression a few times: at 15, at 16, and again at 18. Those were the hardest times in my life so far—something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The first time it happened, I wasn’t lying in bed all day, crying. Life on the outside looked normal. I still laughed when I was “supposed” to, I still worked, I still studied. But inside, I felt empty. It was like being numb on the outside, but the paradox was—I didn’t feel anything on the inside either. I was forgetting how to feel, because all my thoughts about the past just sat in my mind like they’d pitched a tent, waiting. Waiting for me to forget about the present. Waiting for me to forget the future.

    “People talk about depression all the time. The difference between depression and sadness is—sadness is just from happenstance. Whatever happened, or didn’t happen for you: grief, or whatever it is. Depression is when your body says, ‘F*** you. I don’t want to be this character anymore. I don’t want to hold up this avatar you’ve created.’”

    JIM CARREY | Characters, Comedy, and Existence | 4K REMASTER | TIFF

    He also mentioned you can think of the word depressed as deep rest—your body needing deep rest from the character you’re trying to play.

    Whether we like it or not, our bodies sometimes need a break from the roles we’ve taken on. I can’t tell you what to do to get through it, and honestly, no specialist can give you a one-size-fits-all answer. But what I learned is: it’s your mind. You are the one who has power over it.

    When I realised something was wrong, I made a choice. I got up every day, I stuck to my routine, and I told myself:

    “You are not hopeless. You are not useless. You are a winner. And you will win over this. You are the master of your mind. Nothing can take that from you. This isn’t forever. Take your time to recover—and then keep going.”

    But how do you know when it’s over?

    The answer, for me, was: when you start to feel again. Feelings won’t rush back all at once. You have to relearn how to feel. And yes, some feelings might be painful or disappointing. But the moment you realise that everything feels different—that’s when you can say: I did it!

    There’s something else I’ve learned:

    👉 Depression is about your past.
    It’s the things you haven’t let go of. The things you overthink. The “Why did I do that?” and “I should’ve done it differently” thoughts that keep looping in your brain.

    👉 Anxiety is about your future.
    It’s worrying about things that may or may not happen. It’s trying to control the unknown. It’s living ahead of yourself.

    👉 Happiness is about your present.
    It’s noticing what’s around you. A sunny day. Pretty flowers. A smile from a stranger. It’s enjoying your hobby, your partner, your family. It’s staying right here, right now.

    So if you take one thing from my story, let it be this: stay present. Even if it’s hard. Even if it feels impossible sometimes. Try to notice the little good things. They’re always there.

    Get it done. Enjoy the process. See the result. Live your life.

    Thank you for listening, for reading, for feeling. I hope you find a little piece of yourself here, too.

    Sincere,

    Yours Viktoriia ❤